Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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