Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
