Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I need water and some morals
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
