Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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