pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
