Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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