They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
