That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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