i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
