my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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