quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
