Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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