watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So gin and wine won't be happening again
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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