...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
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You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize