Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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