Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
