FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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