Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
