I smell stomach acid.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is Oprah even human
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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