My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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