Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
