Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
