you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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