Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
