omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
