she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
