Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
