does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
