There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Me too!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
