I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I touched a dick in church today
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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