if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
