i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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