the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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