lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You made out with two different species that night
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
