You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
