I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
