U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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