I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
