very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
