Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
