I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
