Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
