But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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