That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
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He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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