What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
