I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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