he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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