Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
