How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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