as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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