If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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