If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
