All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
