I CAN MOONWALK!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
