get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize