i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
