I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Floor bacon is actually really good
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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