p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
