I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's blow job season.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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