Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Where are you guys?
Drunk
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
