I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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