I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It's Friday. Sex?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
