Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
