I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
