omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
