worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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