im drinking this country out of the recession.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
