I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you would pick up someone in the library
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
