24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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