I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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