no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
