I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
